I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I am one with the molecules
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Randomize
