You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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