I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
