I think my vagina is haunted
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
