so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
