so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
