woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
