apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
