I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
