No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
