this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
