My room smells like vodka and shame
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I deserve this hangover.
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