Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
