You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
