aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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