just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
