Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
