Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
