I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
