I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
