I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
