and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
