She said her name was "party"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
