we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
