Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Holy shit dude........stairs
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
