quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
