Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
