the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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