All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
is it fun? or sober?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
