Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
