If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just made out with a guy for $7.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
foreskin is a definite game changer
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
