every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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