The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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