ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
