my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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