Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Randomize
