you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
