yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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