Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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