oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
