Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize