oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
if only i could text you this smell
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
