She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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