just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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