Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
