I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
