That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I could make wine with my vomit
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
