I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
