The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
