Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
either way he was missing a nipple.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
