All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
