a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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