But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
foreskin is a definite game changer
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
