Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
My liver just broke up with me...
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
my poor anus
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
